Disillusionment of youth

This assignment took its toll on me. From the conceptualizing process to the point where I finally got to shoot the photos, it was draining yet thrilling to see pictures I was proud of. Throughout the shoot, I was constantly fighting the light, hanging blankets over my windows to ensure that I had a controlled light source and that each photo was something I was in complete control of from beginning to end. Also, working with a model was challenging as we each had two separate ideas of how the shoot could go or what she would want versus what I thought was something more worthwhile to tell. I wanted to describe someone who was overworked, underpaid, and undervalued. Something we all know too well in our early 20s. I wanted to talk about what it means to be someone still searching for your identity and how it gets lost. I think the editing style lends itself to that vision, with some of the photos being messier than others and not as cookie-cutter or editorial (something I struggle with). I went for an edgier approach, and I’m unsure how that worked in the long run, but I am proud of it. However, I also struggled with sequencing and ensuring the narrative thread was present in all images. I also struggled with the right photos. How can I be sure I selected the right ones that make people question/wonder versus others? I tried to break away from the mold of thinking that it would look great in a magazine (still impressive photography) to what would hang in a gallery. But would a gallerist prefer composition to a blurred image of a girl who looks sweaty and run-down? I don’t know. So, I posted a story that reflects the struggle of being, referencing the 90s, especially with the emphasis on trashy youth and how that infiltrates all areas of your identity. Is she living for the aesthetic or for herself as a person? I think young people question that, ultimately feeling disappointed in the world and our choices. 

Overall, I liked my project, but it doesn’t resonate with the type of photos I love the most. Maybe that was a step outside of my comfort zone.